Changing sleep patterns takes time. That doesn’t mean it’s not working or that you’re doing anything “wrong”. Changing sleep patterns in some ways is just like changing any other behavior. It doesn’t happen overnight. Even as adults, when we start a new fitness regime or healthy eating programme, we wouldn’t expect to see our weight or body composition drop dramatically after 1 or 2 days (as much as that would be awesome!). Equally, most people probably wouldn’t throw the towel in if they didn’t see the scales change within a few days. Why? Because we know that it takes time for new patterns and habits to take effect and consistency is the key.
It’s exactly the same for children. Take weaning, it would be totally unrealistic to think that a child could go from a milk diet to 3 full meals a day in a matter of days or even weeks. Similarly, when a child starts toilet training, this is a big change and we expect the process to take time. Even then, a child may still have occasional accidents or continue wearing diapers at night for a long time to come. That doesn’t mean they haven’t made huge progress already.
The key is consistency and patience. No matter how small or gradual the changes may seem, when we consistently repeat them, day after day, results will follow.
So why can this feel so hard when it comes to sleep?
I’ve been there. As a first time mum, I can’t tell you the number of times I tried to make changes to Sira’s sleep routines in the hope of getting her (and us!) more sleep. And just as many times, my good intentions crumbled and I gave up on the process. I’ve thought about this a lot so I can now share some of the things that all too often derail us..
1. Unrealistic expectations – As we’ve said already, all habits take time to change. That doesn’t mean you won’t see any progress. In most cases families see great results within the first 5 days, but will your baby be sleeping 12 hours through the night, every night and taking predictable, long naps every day after a week. Probably not. That’s just not the nature of sleep. But it’s my job to help give you realistic expectations based on your baby’s developmental age and current sleep situation to help keep you committed and on-track.
2. We take on more than we can realistically manage. You don’t have to change everything at once! When we started making changes to our son’s sleep patterns we had a lot going on. I found managing his multiple naps alongside having his just 3 year old sister at home overwhelming. So we started with just a change at bedtime only and managed all other naps in the same way we always had. Gradually, over time, we were able to address everything we wanted to. Sure, it took longer but more importantly it was sustainable for us and made the difference between giving up and seeing it through.
3. We take a short term approach – I think this is one most of us can relate to! We choose ‘some sleep now’ over healthier sleep in the long-term. In the thick of sleep deprivation, many of us would do anything to just get some sleep. Even if that means cutting across the very changes that we’ve been trying to make. What can help? Make sure you have support. Your sleep is important, so have someone to share and implement the changes with so you can stay on track and still get the rest you need. A partner helps keep accountability too. Also, do everything and anything to keep the reasons why you are making changes clear and at the forefront.
4. We forget to celebrate small wins. When you’re tired, it can be easy to overlook progress and forget quite how challenging the situation, which we came from was. So, acknowledge and make a big deal about each and every bit of progress that comes!
5. Our Mindset is not in the right place – Very often, parents know what they need to do to make sleep changes, they’re just not (for many understandable reasons) quite ready to do it. It takes physical and mental energy to commit to a change. Juggling too much can detract from our focus. So before implementing anything, be clear why you’re doing it, believe in what you’re doing and go into it as well rested as possible (for an exhausted parent!)
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