Sleep and breastfeeding: probably 2 of the most contentious and emotive subjects out there. So i say this a lot, but it’s worth repeating, when it comes to sleep, nothing is a problem unless it becomes a problem for your child and your family. So, if you and your child (no matter what age) enjoy frequent night feeds and are both healthy and getting the sleep around feeds that you need, then I am genuinely very happy for you and do not intend in any way to judge or persuade you otherwise. The situation I found myself in with Sira (and now see frequently with mums that contact me) is something entirely different though.
I talk to a lot of mums every day and one of the interesting things I have noticed, is the number of breastfeeding mums particularly who have accepted sleepless nights as part of the deal. In truth this was also me 4 years ago. Now if you’re thinking, “Nicky – it’s normal for babies to need frequent night feeds and breast milk digests quicker than formula”, yes, you’re 100% right. But when I say “Sleepless nights” I’m not referring to the babies that take a solid, full feed and return to sleep no fuss. We all know that young babies have tiny tummies and need to eat frequently. So when a client comes to me with a young baby, the initial goal is never about sleeping “through the night”. That would be irresponsible and dangerous. Instead we focus on achieving full feeds and developing some healthy habits, so with a nice full tummy, baby can drift back to sleep again and wake up in time for their next feed. This is absolutely essential, normal and healthy.
What I’m eluding to are the snack and snoozers. Neither adequately full nor appropriately rested. Rewind 4 years, Sira was breastfed at night and I was accustomed to waking frequently to feed her. Nothing unusual there. What is interesting to me now though, is that even as Sira grew older, I never questioned how frequently she woke to feed, how long each feed was or how much sleep SHE was getting around feeds. I somehow found myself in this situation with an older baby who still wanted to feed frequently at night, often only for a minute or two and who may or may not go back to sleep. I guess I had taken feeding on demand to heart and just sort of accepted that this was what babies do and sleeplessness was part of my new job.
Now, with the beauty of hindsight, there are a few things that I wish I had stopped to ponder back then. 1. Is a two minute feed really about the milk or the calories? (neither of which Sira needed at night by this stage). Probably not. So what was really going on? Sira just didn’t know any other way to get back to sleep. Yes, I know breastfeeding offers comfort, not just the calories and many children need this close physical contact. But sleep is equally a non-negotiable requirement for normal physical, emotional and cognitive development and fragmented, disruptive sleep can be more detrimental 2. (and this one’s a little more contentious) Does on-demand feeding work for every single child? Whilst I still believe on-demand should be the starting point for every baby, I’m personally not convinced that it’s full-proof. Why? I’ve met a fair share of breastfed babies being monitored medically due to weight issues and seen as under eating. Likewise, I know exclusively breastfed babies who were switched to expressed bottles only as a means of controlling and limiting milk intake. And it’s not just about babies. If I gave either my 16 month old or 4 year old a box of biscuits would they try and eat the entire box? Absolutely! So why are we so confident that babies are sophisticated enough to know when and how much they need to eat and to differentiate when they are hungry versus when they are just tired? For sure many babies can. All I am questioning is that this doesn’t seem to work for all babies and maybe, just maybe we are sometimes feeding babies that in actual fact just need sleep? And 3. I wish I had pondered more on the impact of the sleeplessness on Sira and understood how such fragmented sleep was effecting Sira’s development and wellbeing.
If I could talk to my younger self, I would say that it didn’t need to be that way. Yes, I could continue to breastfeed but with a few simple adjustments, we both could have been much better rested within just a few days. In fact, I’ve just finished working with 2 clients, both exclusively breastfed and now both sleeping beautifully. One 13 weeks old and continues to have night feeds. The other, one year old and now sleeping 11 hours right through the night. The “sleeping through the night” bit is nice but not the primary focus. What’s important is that they now both fall asleep quickly at naptimes and bedtime, take nice long naps at predictable times and no longer have long periods of awake time during the night. This is an example of how Sleep goals should be unique to each family and child’s needs. Overall, the key objective is that each child gets the sleep they need for their age whilst developing skills that will set them up for sleeping 11-12 hours through the night when they are physiologically ready. If you’d like to hear more about how I work with families to help everyone get the sleep they need get in touch. Contact me to schedule your FREE 15 minute call
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