Being a toddler mum myself, I spend much of my life in the company of other young children…and the one challenge I see more than anything else at this age, is the large number of those toddlers, usually around the 2-2.5 years mark who are no longer taking a nap.
What’s the big deal? Well, research shows that toddlers need between 12 -14 hours sleep in a 24 hour period (Hirshkowitz et al 2015). Sadly, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), a quarter of children under the age of 5 don’t get adequate sleep. This is concerning because research has linked inadequate sleep in early childhood with immune system disorders, anxiety and depression and future cardio-vascular risks in the form of obesity, diabetes, and high blood pressure.
Now I know, all children are different and have different sleep needs. So, yes, there could be a small minority who are biologically and physically able to endure longer periods of time awake. The trouble is, the vast majority of 2-3 year olds that I meet (and I put our first-born, Sira in this category too!) are not.
If the afternoon with your child is a non-stop battle of tears and tantrums, chances are they are overtired and still need a nap (even just a short one!). Sleep affects our ability to regulate emotions. So, when a child is over-tired they can flip between hysterical fun and laughter and tears in a split second. They will be easily irritated and quick to anger. It is more difficult to control our gross motor movements too when we are tired. You may notice that your child struggles to coordinate their body, looks clumsy and may trip / fall more often. One of the more deceptive signs of overtiredness is the hyper-energetic state, which many young children reach. The more overtired Sira got, the more physically active, loud and vocal she would become. Think laps of the living room and jumping off the sofa whilst reciting every song in her repertoire! Often, alongside this energy is an inability to focus or retain attention and your child may flit quickly between toys/activities or simply pick things up only to immediately throw them down again. Overtiredness can also show itself through sleep. If your toddler has started to have disturbed nights again or early morning wake ups, yes..they probably still need a nap.
So why then if they still need a nap do so many children start protesting and resisting it?
Well.. there are a LOT of things going on in a child’s development at this age. Physically and socially, massive changes are taking place. Their desire to be more independent is greater than ever and this drive for autonomy can absolutely cause challenges at sleep times! At the same time, separation anxiety can still be very much present and with a greater understanding of the world around them, the ability to develop fears can kick in. This too can be seen at bedtime or during the night. Chances are their language and vocabulary is expanding exponentially and on top of everything else, they may start cutting molar teeth around this age.
All of these developmental changes can temporarily disrupt sleep. Your little one might start protesting naptime or bedtime, take longer to fall asleep, wake up more frequently or wake (too) early in the morning. Many of these same things also happen when it’s time to drop a nap! So you can see just how easy it is to confuse the 2 issues. The trouble is, if we too quickly equate these signs with no longer needing a nap, it may unintentionally lead to more challenges.
So when is the right time for a child to stop napping? In short, a child is really only ready to drop the nap when on no nap days they can still get through the whole day with enough energy, focus and without massive emotional and physical declines. Let’s be realistic, most days our children get tired and a little cranky early evening but there’s a vast difference between tired and manageable and chronically over-tired..
Now I get it. I’ve been there. When your child starts protesting at nap time it can seem impossible. After all we can’t make them sleep.. So what can we do?..
The key to help figure it out, is simply to hold off immediately ditching the nap and give it time. Be patient, keep attempting a nap (even if it feels hopeless!) and allow some time to really observe what’s happening. If it’s a developmental change impacting sleep, usually it will pass within a few weeks. Whether it is a developmental change or your child really is ready to drop the nap altogether, what they are doing in the bed before nap can sometimes be a clue. Typically, when a child really is ready to start transitioning to no nap, they are more likely to be relatively content and may simply be playing in the bed before they sleep. By contrast, if your child still needs to nap but has something developmentally going on, then logically they will be tired but are just struggling to actually fall asleep. Sometimes (but not always) this can mean more fussiness, upset and crying before sleep.
By closely observing, you can also check whether a wake window adjustment might be the right solution. Try extending the amount of time your little one is awake for before nap by 15 mins every couple of days. If they are able to fall asleep at nap time quickly and smoothly again you know you have found the sweet spot! It is also very common as the nap becomes later to need to shorten it too. So wake your little one up in order to avoid issues at bedtime. Talking of bedtime, when your child eventually begins to find it difficult to fall asleep at bedtime, this can be a helpful sign that they no longer need that daytime sleep at all.
As we already mentioned, separation anxiety can often still be hanging around at this age too. Your child may want you to stay next to their bed until they fall asleep. This happened with our second child, Eli and I found from about this age upwards, he was more easily able to fall asleep if I kept the bedroom door open. Whilst this cuts across what I would usually recommend; (a dark and quiet sleep environment), for Eli, he seemed to get comfort out of being able to hear the background noise of me in the kitchen and before long he was quickly self-settling again. For some children, introducing a comfort toy for them in bed can also help a lot when you are not present. Separation anxiety is a developmental phase so there is no quick fix. However, spending as much quality 1:1 time together outside of sleep times can certainly help.
I know first-hand as a mum that when we are faced with nap protest, it can be so tempting to drop the nap, particularly in the hope of longer bedtime sleep. When a child is ready that is great! However, if we drop the nap too early the inverse can happen. Overtiredness can lead to not only challenging afternoons but more disrupted nights and early morning wake ups too! So I always advise giving sleep issues a few weeks. Many times things settle down with very minor or no changes at all. And if they don’t?..you still have the option to start a transition period towards no nap. For more tips on how to transition smoothly, follow @nickyrainssleepconsulting.
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